Live vicariously through me and my experiences as an oleh chadash (new immigrant) and my experiences from having served as a combat soldier in the IDF. What will happen next....????
We woke up at 3AM in order to get home for the weekend!!! Left base at 430AM and ended up at home by 1PM. Before I got to the kibbutz I stopped off at the supermarket to buy food. As I was shopping some random person came up to me and asked me if I was a lone soldier and if I had a place to eat for shabbat. How did she know that I was a lone soldier who didn't have a place for shabbat? Well I kinda stick out like a sore thumb. A soldier doesn't really go shopping for food alone in uniform 4 hours before shabbat unless he really has to. If you know me, I only go shopping when I REALLY need to. I had no food, and therefore really needed to shop. I politely declined because my buddy Jon was visiting me on my kibbutz for the weekend. It's not uncommon for that to happen. People are really nice to soldiers.
After a long night of partying I actually decided to do something besides sit around and waste time on the internet. I haven't really ventured around the neighbourhood and I figured since someone came to visit me we should actually do something. I'm usually too tired and lazy to do anything. So just like that we decided to go for a hike up the Gilboa mountain. It had rained the day before so it was a bit muddy, but that still didn't stop us. There was nobody around and as we started walking through the farms to get to the base of the mountain there were 2 cars that passed us. Jon and I were both wearing AEPi t-shirts and the guy in the second car rolls down his window and yells AEPi!!! He was in AEPi in Vegas and a very hilarious and random encounter. At what point do these random encounters stop being random? It seems that every corner I turn I expect to bump into someone I have some sort of connection with. The hike was pretty awesome and long - 3 hours in total, but the view was definitely worth it!
My backyard! Thats my kibbutz to the left of my head.
Before we went on the hike I got a call from a friend, Dan who is in Israel on Birthright, but I was surprised to hear that it was a different friend on the phone, Cliel (an avid reader of Kaldors Korner I might add) who I didn't know was also here. So just like that I decided to go back to Jerusalem with Jon to meet up with them at night at Ben Yehuda Street. Whenever I go to Ben Yehuda Street or the Old City I am always on the lookout for people I know. There is rarely a time I go to those places and don't bump into someone I know. In fact, I get disappointed if I don't bump into someone I didn't expect to see. So not so surprisingly, I bumped into someone else that was on the birthright trip that I knew.
So that was my weekend of very random encounters. I'm sure I will bump into people again tomorrow when I tour Jerusalem.
Sunday it was back into the field for 4 more days and 3 nights of more shooting. This was week 2 of 3 of shooting and we practiced the 3 shooting position - standing, kneeling and lying down. We also practices gun jams and changing magazines. We shoot from 25 and 50 meters during the day and do the eact same exercizes at night from the maximum distance we can see the target (appx. 15 meters). My shot is pretty good and I have been hitting the target most of the time. It takes time to get used to holding the very uncomfortable positions for a long time.
By the third day of Chanukah and being back in the field with shitty food I was really craving a sufganiyah (jelly donuts you eat on Chanukah). During Chanukah the army gives out sufganiyot but I didn't think that they were going to give it to us out in the field, but I was really fiending one. In the middle of the afternoon I suddenly saw an oasis in the desret - no it wasn't water, but the Chabadmobile with sufganiyot blasting hassidic music! We got a break from the day (we don't get breaks. EVER. PERIOD!) to eat sing and dance to Chanukah tunes. Kol hacavod כל הכבוד to Chabad for finding us in the middle of nowhere! It definately cheered up our day! The next day we got our sufganiyah from the army and the one from Chabbad were much better! We lit the Chanukah candles every night, and it was really cool to be lighting them in the field when it was pitch black with nothing around - only sand and stars.
We had another masa - this one 4km in 45 minutes and it was much easier than the one before because I wasn't carrying the 10L jerrycan of water on my back. After each masa we get add-ons to our uniform or our equipment - the first masa we got our gun, and now we got our tag to wear on our shoulders that signify what unit we are in. During the course at Mikve Alon I had the Education Corps tag and for the past 3 weeks I took a step backwards and was without a tag but now I have one signifying I'm in kravi so that is pretty awesome.
So whats it like going 'camping' with the army? Well its nothing like going camping for a weeknd with your buddies to sit by the lake drink beers and have a BBQ. You can't take your cellphone with you and ther eare obviously no showers so that means we really don't need an hour of free time every day. In the field we get half an hour - enough time to make your sleeping bag ready, brush your teeth and take a piss - aside from that there really isn't anything else to do when you can't even see anything. As usual, we get our 6 hours of non consecutive sleep (we have to do half an hour of guard duty throught the night). Our 18 hour days really do feel that long. Even meal time is no break - there are 20 vultures trying to eat from the same few cans of food and couple of loafs of bread. If we are lucky we will get half an hour to eat. There is always something to do and are never given any breaks. Fix this, clean that, move thos rocks, why are those kitbags and vests always out of order!?!?! During the day it gets quite hot, but at night it is FREEZING! We are totally out in the open so there are no building to block the wind, or fires to keep us warm. We sleep in 2 person tents and we make it fit 3 people for warmth.
We gave in our sleeping bags for real cleaning which was a real shame on the waste of water used to clean them. They were clean for about the 1.5 seconds while someone threw it from the truck and before it hit the sand. It would have been ideal for them to give us new ones when we returned to base, so we could use them but then again what the hell do I know? I'm only older than everyone and have a university degree, but I'm still the scum of the earth on the base because I'm just in basic training. The next day when we got back to base we got new sleeping bags again - again, a real shame on the water. Additionally, changing clothing is a complete waste of:
time - spent looking for your clothing (especially in the dark) and changing while attempting to not drop your clothing into the sand.
space - I can barely fit the things in my kitbag that I need, yet alone any extra clothing.
water - used to clean the clothes ( there is a really bad water shortage in Israel, so its even more important to conserve)
On the one hand its a waste of a lot of resources to attempt to stay clean but it seems the only 2 things that really matter are that you are clean shaven and your boots are shined. Being clean shaven I'm willing to accept, but I think its absolutely ridiculous to be shining my black boots at 5AM in the dark when I can't even see them! Additionally after I take 2 steps or if there is a gust of wind my boots are dirty again! They say its all about discipline but I say its ridiculous. At least we only have to do it once a day. On base there are days when we have to fix our boots 4 or 5 times.
Until now, most of the time we have been carrying around our gun, it has prety much been a hunk of metal in the shape of a gun. It really isn't a gun yet if your not given any ammo. On Wednesday we were given a strap in which to secure a magazine to the side of the gun. So now we have the responsibility to carry around a gun and ammo all the time, not just a hunk of metal.
In 2 weeks my parent are coming to visit me, which is very exciting. I haven't seen them since I left for Israel 7 months ago. They are coming for my swearing into the army ceremony. I already had this ceremony as part of the ulpan course at Mikve Alon, but it's a much bigger deal and bigger event for combat soldiers. If your in the area (and by area I mean country) you should come and show your support for the shiryonairim of November 2009 who will be keeping Israe lsafe. It's also a great chance for you to see me and meet my parents. The ceremony is Thursday January 7th in Latrun. Call me for more details.
It has been a long 12 days on base, but finally I get my 2 day weekend before I spend another 12 days on base (most of it in the field again). We have a day trip to Jerusalem, one week at the shooting range and then the second week we start doing exercise in the open field - not at the range.
Once again, if you haven't already become a fan of my blog on facebook, here is the link http://facebook.com/kaldorskorner
Getting back to base was a pain in the ass. I had to run to the bank and therefore didn't have time to meet at the regular meeting place. I took 3 busses and 6 hours of travel to get to base. I stayed up too late Saturday taloking to friends back home (7 hrs behind) so I was exhaused all day (I'm constantly exhausted so not that this is any different). Since all the buses are always jam packed on Sunday mornings with all the soldiers returning to base, I couldn't get a seat on the last 2 legs of the trip so I was stuck in the aisle. The good thing is that it is socially acceptable for soldiers to lie down and sleep in the aisles of buses - in fact it was more comfortable because I could fully stretch out and use my backpack as a pillow.
Monday I made a new best friend - my gun. I take care of it, clean it, sleep with it under my mattress and take it everywhere with me (I don't get to take it off base just yet). Siryonairim (people in shiryon) get the M16 with the shortest barrel length so that there is room for it in the tank. It's much less awkward than the long M16 we got at Mikve Alon.
On Tuesday we went into the field for 3 days. The first day was spent mostly loading up the truck with everything we needed and setting up the campsite. We also spent a lot of time gathering rocks to make paths. It was really hot during the days and freezing cold at night. We had our first masa (hike) - it was a piece of cake and more like a 3km night medium paced walk through the desert. There were some people that were really struggling, but even with a 10L jerrycan of water on my back I wanted to go farther and faster. Afterwards there was a ceremony which officially starts our journey to becoming לוחמים (fighters). The rest of our time in the field was spent at the shooting range and eating shitty food. I blogged earlier about the shitty battle rations and the loof, but now we got better food. All the food is fresh - fresh right out of a can. We get canned tuna, pickles, corn disgusting rice something or other wrapped in vine leaves and drowned in oil, pineapples, chocolate spread, jam, ketchup, halva and bread. It's still shitty food, but the corn and pineapples are a big improvement on loof especially when we eat the stuff for every meal. It's no longer breakfast time/lunch time/ dinner time - its meal time. I was never much of a tuna fan to begin with, and its especially not tasty drenched in oil right of out the can. I was looking for ways to improve my sandwiches - with the limited combination available I have concluded that tuna, corn and chocolate sandwiches work best. Yes- everyone else was also wondering what the hel is wrong with me. Chocolate and pineapple sandwiches are amazing, but I found out that tuna and pineapple was an experiment gone terribly wrong.
I have also concluded that sandwiches were invented in the desert. If you put tuna on a piece of bread, you have a tuna sandwich, right? In this case you are subconsciously neglecting all the sand your eating. It's much easier to say your eating a tuna sandwhich than eating a tuna sand wich. Also the word wich could be confused for a question, as in tuna sand which? To make things clear, they are called sandwiches (or in hebrew sandviches). Additionally, if the sandwich was invented in a rainy area it would probably be called mudwiches. If your thinking I'm more crazy now after drawing this conclusion in my defense I'm writing this on shabbat on base where there is nothing to do. I'm not saying that I'm not crazy, but please take this into account. Basically the main point I'm trying tom ake is that there is sand EVERYWHERE!
We have a very back asswards way of 'cleaning' things. After coming back from the field late on Thursday night and were ready for bed. Instead of going to bed, we got the standard 7 minutes to change into our uniforms for what became a לילה לבן (white night - staying up all night) of cleaning our equipment, and pushups. So to clean our equipment we are given x minutes to clean a specific item and run to put it in our rooms. So here is where the back asswardness comes into play. We were given 4 minutes to clean our shovel and tent pegs and put them in our room (It takes 1.5-2 minutes to run to the room and back). The specific way of cleaning these items are with oil, which I think is a bit excessive and unnecessary when you take into account how we 'clean' our jacket, vest, backpack and kitbag. We were given 4 minutes to clean our kitbag with no specif orders on how to do it. I had enough time to smack it against the dirty wall and ground creating more dust and dirt before I realized I had to sprint to put it in my room. We spent 6 hours cleaning the equipment, rooms, running and pushups. We got breakfast and were sent to bed at 530AM. We woke up 6 hours later (because thats all the sleep we need, according to the army) and did our physical test (pushups, situps and a 2km run). After eating crappy food for 3 days and staying up all night doing a physical test was not what I wanted to do after only 6 hours of sleep at 1230 in the afternoon in the desert.
After a long hard week we lit the CHanukah candles for the first night of the holiday and went into Shabbat. This means that I have time to talk on my phone, listen to music, sleep and blog. There really isn't much else to do but its a great break from the week. the food on Shabbat is better than the regular days and much better than the battle rations. The best part of Shabbat is that they are not allowed to give us orders!
This week I joined kravi (combat) in shiryon (armored corps) and am now a lochem (fighter) in the IDF!!! Finally after six and a half months in the country I'm starting to do what I came here to do!
Okay, so I'll just answer the most important questions right off the bat, but this doesn't mean you can stop reading! No I don't have a gun yet - I get it next week - the shortest M16. No I don't get to take it home next week - only after basic training (3 months) No I don't have a tank yet. In 3 months after basic training we start learning about the tank, until then its just general infantry training. But I will be in a Merkeva Mark 3 BAZ. There are 4 jobs in the tank (commander, driver, gunner, loader) and after basic training I get told what job in the tank I get.
So on Sunday I went back to bakum to trade in my red boots for black ones. After a week already it hurts to sit, stand, walk, run and even just to have my feet in the boots. My base is about 350 km from where I live and and about 60km from Eilat, which is as far south as you can get. It took me 6 hours to get home, and I think I made excellent timing. The living conditions have improve. I live in a ROOM with 9 people (I'm emphasizing the word room for all my friends in Nahal who now live in tents). Also we get air conditioning. I sleep on the bottom bunk of a bed that doesn't have a metal bar perpendicular to my body across the middle of my back. I have a personal light at my bed and an electrical outlet of my own. Additionally, the food is better.
Other than what seems to be the hotel like living conditions, it has been the past 3 months that now seem like a vacation. They take no bullshit anymore. When standing in formation you can't move an inch - sometimes for up to half an hour. Unexpectedly without knowing a mefaked will whisper very loudly in your ear from behind telling you to stop moving. At mikve alon we had mefakedets (female commanders as opposed to mefakeds which are male commanders) and they tried to act tough but they really weren't fooling anyone - they are too nice to be mean. Now I have a Samach (mefaked machlakah) who I don't think could crack a smile if his life depended on it.
In my machlakah of 29 I'm the only lone soldier and also the only one who doesn't speak fluent Hebrew (not that I'm anywhere near fluent). After a week my brain has been hurting from having to pay attention all the time to what they are saying. It's difficult to learn whats going on in the army and also to learn a language at the same time. It also doesn't help that they speak a mile a minute. Luckily I understand enough words in each sentence to know what going on through the context. I don't know what language they were speaking to me at Mikve Alon, but for arguments sake lets call it Hemilon (HEbrew at MIkve aLON) which seems to be a mix of easy hebrew words, english and slow talking. Everyone is helpful and tries to help me with my hebrew which is good. A few more weeks and I will really get the hang of the language. My mefaked seems to be a pretty chill guy and similar to me - he's also a lone soldier from Brazil and he said when he came he had a hard time with the language as well, so he seems to understand where I'm coming from.
I only get 6 hours of sleep now (compared to getting 7.5 hrs at mikve alon) and that interrupted sleep because on occasion we have to do 20 minutes - half an hour of guard duty during the middle of the night. Also my hour and a half of free time has now been shortened to an hour and in that time I have to shower, brush teeth, shine shoes, and organize the room for bedtime.
I also feel very old. I'm starting the army at 24, and I think I only had one conversation this week with someone older than me - the mefaked of the pluga, and even he might not be much older than I. Everyone has a private meeting with the commanders in order to meet them and introduce yourself. The mefaked pluga was in shock and baffled to find out that I'm just starting the army as a volunteer at 24 and that I already have a degree. At Mikve Alon I didn't really feel it because there were people like me who came to serve at an older age, but there aren't many or any in shiryon that I have encountered yet. My commanders are 21 and everyone in basic training like me is 18. Most people are shocked to find out im 24, but are still very helpful and nice.
Aside from getting adjusted to my new setting, the first week was pretty boring - equipment checks, learning how to do the day to day stuff like making our beds and keeping our rooms clean to their standards, meetings with the commanders, and other general 'welcome to the army' knowledge. They did however put on an awesome demo for us where a tank drove around and blew shit up - in 8 months I will be able to do the same!
So here is a bit of information on what I learned about the part of the army I have joined. I am in the 188th armored brigade, which is called barak (lightning). My brigade is part of the Northern Command, so after I finish with my training I will be stationed back up north with what I consider to be a more beautiful part of the country. I've barely even started yet, and I'm already sick of the sand! There is a lot of history within my brigade, as it has been involved in almost all the wars. During the Yom Kippur War in 1973, the brigade was nearly wiped out while defending the Golan Heights against the Syrians. In Operation Cast Lead almost one year ago the brigade was the first one to enter Gaza and the last one to leave. Two famous people that served in my brigade is Zvika Greengold who was awarded the medal of honor for his efforts in the Yom Kippur War, and also Gilad Shalit, who is still being held captive by Hamas who was captured in July of 2006.
Next week we get our guns, go out into the field to start training and I'm on base for Shabbat, so I'm there for the next 12 days. We have our basic training schedule, and between now and the end of February I only get off base for 6 Shabbats (thats assuming I don't screw up and am forced to stay as a punishment for one of them). Yea, my thoughts exactly - that sucks!!! So my next update will be in 2 weeks time and I'm sure I will have a lot to talk about.
Our course ended on Tuesday and from Sunday-Tuesday we practiced for the ceremony. It was like being a part of a marching band - minus the band part - just marching. Left left left right left. It really sucks the life out of the fun of a ceremony when you have to practice marching and standing for probably a dozen hours. The entire time we had this big fat angry guy called the Rasar yelling at us when we would move an inch. The big finale of the ceremony was that we all marched into a formation of a menorah - every time we practiced it we would screw it up because someone new would join into the formation or someone would leave and it would screw everyone up.
As for the competition we won last week, the privilege we won was 20 minutes of crappy internet from the computer room on base - just about enough time to change my fbook status and message a few people. Tuesday morning we finally got to break distance with our commanders. For about the 4 hours between breaking distance and getting on the bus to go to bakum we had a lot of fun being able to joke around and talk normally to our commanders. The only crappy thing was that right after the ceremony we had a few minutes to say goodbye to our commanders and then we had to get on the bus to take us to bakum. The ceremony was surprisingly more fun that I expected it to be considering all the mind numbing marching we had practiced. As part of the ceremony the mefakedets took away our education corps tags, so now I'm back to square one looking like a nobody, which really really sucks.
So we get to bakum just in time for dinner. We then got our beds ready in our 10 person tents and got to go to bed. Bakum is the base where everyone goes on their first day to enlist and get all your equipment and most importantly find out exactly what unit you go to (you don't actually find out 100% until you get to bakum). Working at bakum is the army equivalent of working at the lost luggage department at the airport. They have no idea what is going on, everyone hates them, and they can never help you or do anything correctly. So here is a rundown of my very frustrating yet hilarious day at bakum.
The goal: have someone tell me that I am going to shiryon (armored corps [tanks]) and that I can go home and come back on Sunday when everyone else from shiryon is enlisting. Timeframe: leave the base at a reasonable hour while it is still light outside (before 5PM).
The story... 445AM wakeup. Get the tents in order, pick up garbage and clean the territory and eat breakfast. After that we grabbed our bags, they gave us numbers and we waited for them to call each group of numbers to go through the enlistment process. 930AM they start calling numbers. They grouped me with all the mahal nahal people (the volunteers that are going to the nahal infantry unit) which was what I was supposed to do if my medical profile would allow it. Our number is the last to be called. We keep waiting while everyone else has already left to other places to get equipment and do all sorts of other things. They bring us buckets soap and squeegees. Bathrooms. At this point it was clear they didn't know what the hell to do with us, and this was not what we had volunteered for. After finishing the bathrooms we came back and started throwing around a football for a good half an hour. The following pretty much sums up an hour of the day: someone asked the commander 'what do you mean you don't know what to do with us - have you never seen a volunteer before?' to which he answered 'nope'. 11AM they finally call everyone except for 4 people, including me. They told me I was going to see a doctor. Okay, maybe I can try and get my profile raised again. On the way to the doctor we stopped off by the katzin miyun where I got my name called. The katzin miyun is an enlistment officer; you get to speak to him and tell him where you want to serve in the army. They try and take that into consideration when placing you. Due to the nature of the mahal program we don't get to see a katzin miyun because by default we all go to nahal. Some guy came out with an envelope and started to explain to me what unit I am enlisting to and that I had to be back here at this date and this time. In the middle of his explanation I looked at the piece of paper and noticed that the unit was not shiryon but carakal. So in the middle of his first sentence I interrupted him and told him that I'm going to shiryon and that he has to go back and change it because I'm not speaking to him at all if he's holding a piece of paper that says my name and carakal on it. He immediately walks away and then I am taken to see a doctor and I don't encounter that fool again.
1230 I get to see a doctor. I tell him I want to raise my profile. He looks at the computer and says 'I see you've already gone through this conversation with a different doctor'. In short, I'm still shit out of luck. Now on to lunch - for such a horrible base, they seem to have the most amazing food. There were 4 different servings of meat. We were lucky to see 5 different servings of meat in a week at Mikve Alon!! My 5 meals at Bakum turned out to be the highlight of my stay there - yes - doing the math correctly I did not reach my goal and I had to stay at bakum for another night.
The rest of the day and evening was spent trying to speak to a katzin miyun. I explained my situation to them and they told me that the nahal people would call me to get on the bus. At that point I would tell them that I refuse to get on the bus and to demand to speak to the katzin miyun. Then I could come back to the office and ask to speak to one. I politely said lets cut the bullshit and save some time here and let me see the katzin! Short answer is that I have to follow procedures. So I called my friends who were already waiting with nahal. I found out where they were and went to speak to their officers to talk to them. They said they didn't have my name on a list so they weren't going to be calling me.
Back at the katzin minyun - I'm standing around in the waiting area with everyone else, and someone comes up to me and tells me to sit down. Normally I wouldn't care, and in fact I was thinking of sitting down, but I was bored and in the arguing mood. Some of my points included "no", "are you kidding me?", "1, 2, 3, ... (counting all the people still standing)", "what is this place, backwards? Never in 3 months have I been told to sit - always to stand!". And the following one works best (draws the most attention to you) if you say it loudly and start waving your arms frantically. "I will sit down when I get to speak to a katzin miyun. Why have I been in the army 3 months and still not seen a katzin miyun, etc. etc." His counterpoints are irrelevant to the story. I pretty much just went on a rant after he dared tell me to sit down.
Later in the afternoon... Now I'm really starting to get pissed off. Back to the katzin miyun office I argue with them some more through the window, and they tell me I will see one soon. I then demand to see the katzin and ask why I have been in the army for 3 months and I still haven't spoken to the katzin miyun! At this point they tell me again that I'm going to carakal. I told them not so politely for the last time I'm not going to carakal. I came from half way around the world to volunteer to be in infantry. I got screwed because of my profile, so if I can't be a fighter in nahal I want to be a fighter in shiryon. At this point everyone in the office stops what their doing and looks at me like I'm a moron. This was an odd request for them because not many people request to be put into tanks.
6pm. After plenty of arguing I finally got to see the katzin miyun. I tell him why I want to go to shiryon and he says I will have an answer in the morning. All I need to do is go to the office and ask someone to check it up on the computer. That's the point where I find out I'm suck in this horrible place for another night.
445AM wakeup. 515AM head to the kitchen to do kitchen duty. I inform my supervisor that I need to go to the katzin miyun office at 8 to check on my situation. 745 and 750 reminders. 8AM I ask permission to go and he says just 10 more minutes and we will be done. Small argument ensues, but I stay another 10 minutes. 810 - "I need ot go to the office now, you said..." No- we are almost done. 825 I start freaking out and causing a scene. I leave to go to the office get the good news that I'm going to shiryon and return to the kitchen in under 5 minutes. Was it really worth the trouble for my supervisor? 11AM - weekend!!!
Now that I know which unit I am going to I have to go back on Sunday when everyone else shows up to enlist.
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I forgot to mention last week that now I have been in Israel now for 6 months!!!! How time flies!
I just had my last full week at Mikve Alon. Next week all we have is our ceremony and on Tuesday they are driving us back to Bakum - which is where you go on your first day of the army. Apparently we spend a hell of a lot of time practicing for the ceremony and being bossed around by an angry fat guy called the Rasar. This week we pretty much wrapped up the course. We had our final classes, a competition between all the tzevets, and gave back all our equipment. This week was a bit crazy because whenever a course ends, people stop caring (that is under the assumption that some people actually started caring). Aside from the stupid people who are acting like idiots all the time, now it has been taken to a new level because we are finishing the course. It's frustrating at times, but now also quite funny some of the things people are starting to do.
We put on a show for the entire pluga displaying some culture from where we all came from. As I mentioned the course is for people who were not born in Israel and made aliyah or volunteering and their hebrew is not that good. So there were people from literally all over the world - North, Central and South America, Europe, South Africa, Australia, Russia, India and even the Phillipenes. Some of the skits were informative, others hilarious, and some downright violent (and I'm not talking about us Canadians playing hockey). The people from the countries that end in 'stan from the former USSR explained and demonstrated the best way to kidnap a soon to be wife. The Americans sung and danced. The French put on a skit where 2 American tourists were taking a tour through Paris. Then all of a sudden they got mugged by hoodlums who pretended to beat them up. The only problem was that one of the 'American tourists' that pretended to get hit in the face didn't get up from the floor because he got punched and blood was running from his nose like a faucet. Luckily he was okay, but if it wasn't for that incident our skit from Canada would have been the funniest. I don't think anyone has a video of the kid getting knocked in the face, which is unfortunate. Lots of people were video-ing the skits but once the french started their skit everyone figured it wasn't worth wasting the battery power on it so people turned off the cameras. What a shame. So once again my internet is being a pain in the ass and I can't upload the video that we did on Canada, which was actually quite hilarious. I will have to look into it again later.
We had a physical competition between all the tzevets which was a lot of fun. We didn't know what we had to do, but there were multiple sections to the competition. The first thing we had to do was run about 400 meters with someone on the stretcher. The next part of the competition was that we had to crawl about 30 meters, and between the tzevet finish a 10 liter jerry can of water (there were 8 of us in the tzevet) then we had to eat 3 cans of loof. To remind you, loof is one of the menu items on the battle rations. One of my cousins brings the loof back to his mother who then feeds it to the stray cats. The stuff tastes like shit - think kosher spam. So in the attempt to stomach the loof after drinking far too much water far too fast, I found out that tasting loof can self induce vomiting. The instant the loof touched my tongue everything came back up. Eating loof can be a good alternative to sticking your fingers down your throat. I did manage to stomach some of the loof, but note easily. Leg 3 was to carry 4 tzevet members about 100 meters using 3 people, where one person grabs the legs, and the other two each grab and arm. To finish it all off, leg 4 was an endurance competiton of who can hold themselves up in the bridge position (forearms and toes are the only things on the ground) for the longest. Most people dropped out in the 5-7 minute range, but the competition ended after 15 minutes where a few people were still hanging in there, with one guy, Chris practically lying in his own vomit. Quite the intense competition. The commanders were watching and laughing while the majority of people were puking up all that water and loof we had drank throughout the competition. Minus the loof and too much water, the competition was fun and everyone enjoyed the healthy competition - pardon the pun.
We had another competition between the tzevets on what we had learnt in our Zionism classes. We had to run from place to place around the base and answer questions. I figured this would be a piece of cake, and that hands down I would take the competition. At every station a different mefakedet was waiting to give us the question - or at least they were supposed to be. In short, two instances we got to where the mefakedet was supposed to be before her. This led us to running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to find her. This led us not only into the dining room, but into the actual kitchen where we got evil eyed by the sweet old lunch ladies. Also, the same mefakedet caused me to nearly flip out on her because she told me my answer was wrong when I knew it was 100% right and then spent the next 10 minutes trying to think of the correct answer - the exact answer I gave the first time. All this bullshit led my tzevet to lose the challenge by a minute as opposed to crushing everyone by 10 minutes. Unlike the prize for the physical competion, which was junk food - not something good to eat after puking your guts out, this prize was a surprise privaledge. So I was very pissed off to find out that we lost. We disputed the fact that we should have won, so in the end they said both of our teams won. So now we have to wait until next week to find out what we won, but hopefully its something good.
We gave back all our stuff that they had given us - our bet uniform (the stuff you wear on base and get dirty), vest, dissease infested blankets (scabias) and our canteens. It was very liberating to walk around without a canteen considering it was the second most important thing we had in our possessions - next to the gun.
I'm really excited that the course is almost over and I can finally go to my combat unit. I'm pretty sure I get off from the army on Wednesday so I get some days off beforehand. Another thing everyone has been looking forward to is breaking distance. That means that we actually get to speak to our commanders like real people. For 3 months we have to call them by their rank, and we don't know anything about them. On occasion we dig up information like 'I saw so and so on a bus heading home' or 'I saw their name written on their backpack', etc. So at the end of the course they actually introduce themselves and we get to meet the people behind the job. Its sad that the course is over and now everyone is going to their own units. I only know one other person who is also going to tanks, so its going to be a fresh start. It's going to be good to get away from all the morons on the base, but I am nearly 100% positive they will be replaced by other morons.
I was supposed to get the day off on Sunday to go to the bank, but at the last minute I was told I had to return to base on Sunday because I had to take an important hebrew test on Monday, but that I could go home on Monday and return Tuesday to take my day off. This was a real pain in the ass because I wouldn't get my entire day free. Going to the bank would only take me about an hour, and the rest of the day I could relax and do nothing - but the army screwed that all up. So Sunday was a complete waste of a day where we did nothing - which included waiting 2 hours at our meeting point for the army bus to take us to base. This wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't between 11AM-1PM: lunch time. Monday I was just itching all day waiting to go home. I figured I would have the hebrew test early in the morning and at the latest grab an early lunch on base and then leave. Well I didn't have the test until after lunch, and on top of that they remembered that I needed to have a court case because I went AWOL. So I didn't get to leave base until 3PM. This pissed me off because had I taken Sunday off i would have been back on base in time for both my court case and my hebrew test! On top of that, when I returned to base on Tuesday there was also time to have my hebrew test! For most of my day off I was planning on doing nothing - but because my day off was in the middle of the week and it felt like more of a pain. I spent more than half of my 2 half days either sleeping or travelling to and from base. So when I finally got back to base on Tuesday I waited for everyone else to have their hebrew test and then wasted the rest of the day away. Wednesday and Thursday we had a trip to Jerusalem, so that made the week very easy and short (we ended the week on Thursday evening, so we didn't have to return to base!)
So court was interesting - I explained my situation and then I basically got chewed out. I got off really easy - only with a warning, so I got lucky. I guess being a good soldier for 3 months finally paid off. So now on to the trip to Jerusalem. I was excited to go on this trip because doing anything aside from being on base is fun. Also I was excited to tour Jerusalem from a different perspective this time - not tourist, but soldier. Our first stop was Yad Vashem - the holocaust museum. We got a tour in English!!! The way the army works is that if you don't understand something they will explain it to you in english in all situation except one - if you are on our base. I was surprised that they didn't force us to have tours in hebrew, however, if there is only one thing in the past 3 months that we needed to understand 100%, this was it.
Next we went to Har Hertzl - which is the miltiary cemetary. In addition to soldiers, Presidents and Prime Ministers are also burried there. At the pinnacle of the cemetary is the grave of Theodore Hertzl - the man who created the idea of Zionism and the need for Jews to return to the land of Israel. In addition to Hertzl's grave we also visited the graves of Yitzhak Rabin (Prime Minister who was assasinated 14 years ago for his peace efforts), Golda Meir (Israel's first female Prime Minister), Chana Szenes (Jewish female Hungarian paratrooper who was captured and killed in Yugoslavia on a mission during WW2), Michael Levin (Paratrooper killed in action in the Second Lebanon War - more on him on previous blog posts), and a Memorial for terrorist victims. One story we were told was one of the worst situations ever. Yuval Harel from a community in Jerusalem called Talpiyot was killed during the First Lebanon War in 1982. Officer's arrived at the soldier's house to tell his family that he had been killed. While the officers were talking about Yuval the parents were in shock and thinking this isn't my son. Yuval was killed by a bullet to the head and his parents couldn't understand how this could happen and why he would get outside of his tank. Only when the officer was saying how Yuval loved being a paratrooper did they know that it wasn't thier son. Having made an honest mistake the officers left and drove to Yuval Harel's house in Talpiyot to break the bad news to his family - yes, same name, same community. It gets worse. Two days later the officers returned to Yuval Harel's house - the one in the tank and told his parents that this time they did not make a mistake. Yuval Harel from Talpiyot is burried 2 graves away from Yuval Harel from Talpiyot. Having been to the cemetary before, It's hard to describe the feeling being there as a soldier.
Hertzl's grave
After Har Hertzl, we were running behind schedule, so we travelled almost an hour to spent 20 minutes at mini Israel - a miniature version of the entire county. It was fun, but not nearly enough time there.
Thursday we went to Ammunition Hill. A very hard battle took place there in the 6 Day War in 1967. The 66th Paratrooper brigade was tasked with taking the hill. Each third of the brigade was to take the hill through one of the 3 trenches. A mistake was made and nobody took the eastern trench. This mistake needless to say was deadly - 37 Israeli soldiers were killed in the mission to take the hill. We did a little demonstartion to show how hard the battle was. Half of our machlakah was sent to the bottom of the trench, the other half to the top. We were instructed to switch places as fast as we can. The trenches are wide enough for exactly one person to stand. So 60 people have to pass each other where the path is only wide enough for one person, and on top of that you have to crouch down because if you stand upright your head is sticking out, which means your dead. It wasn't easy, and on top of that we didn't have bulky vests with large M16 guns with the dead and wounded literally on the ground in the trenches. This battle was really one of the hardest battles of the war.
We took a tour of the Old City which culminated with the singing of Hatikva at the Kotel as part of a little ceremony with our entire pluga (company) of about 150 soldiers. Having been to the Kotel countless times in my life, this time was obviously more special. To visit the holiest place in the world tasked with the job of defending it and everything Judaism stands for is a feeling that can't be put into words. All I can say is that it has been over two thousand years since someone from my bloodline was standing where I was with the same mission: defending Israel and the Jewish people.
Sunday I had a doc appointment to actually get my medical profile raised so I can do infantry. I have been waiting a month and a half for this appointment. Long story short - the doc said no and I'm screwed. This means I can't try out for paratroopers, be in Nahal or any other infantry unit. So with only a week left before the paratrooper tryout I had to find a way to see another doc to raise my profile. Monday I was supposed to have the day off to take care of business but I came back to the base instead to see what else I could do to get my profile raised. Long story short I'm SOL - shit out of luck. So my last option was to take matters into my own hands. So right before bedtime I decided I was going to go to the army enlistment office in Tel Aviv the next day to try and see a doctor. FYI - like most things, you need an appointment and can't just go there. So when I woke up on Tuesday I told my mefakedet where I was going. After a brief discussion where she said 'no', and 'you know this is a sanction' I said goodbye, walked off the base and went AWOL (absent without leave). So 3 hours later I'm off the train in Tel Aviv and I don't exactly know which bus to take and where exactly to go once I get off the bus.
Aside: now is probably an acceptable time to call me crazy. If you thought I was crazy before this blog post you can probably upgrade me (or downgrade - depending on your perspective) to f-ing crazy.
So I asked one soldier for directions. He said to follow him because he was going to the same place. We started talking and he happened to be an officer on my base. I explained my situation to him and he asked me for the doctors note and he would help me find the place. Well, I didn't have papers because I didn't have an appointment or permission to leave base. So he called my officers and found out my scoop and gave me an ultimatum. He said he would do everything he could to help me see a doc on the condition that I return to the base with him at the end of the day or best of luck to me on my own.
So here was my thought process: If I go with him, my hands are tied and all I can do is hope that he is able (and truly willing) to help me. On the other hand, I didn't have a concrete plan on getting back to base - the last bus was at 730PM and I didn't know if I would make it in time considering I had to take 2 busses and a train in order to catch that bus. I also realized I needed someone to help me at some point throughout my troubles so why turn down the help now, at the beginning of the day? Thirdly choosing to go with him would probably help my case once I got back to base.
Fast forward 5 hours - I finally spoke to someone. She was the Mamag of my base (2nd or 3rd from the top) who also just happened to be at this other base. She made some phonecalls and said she would try and get me another appointment, but in short I'm screwed.
Once I got back to base, I was reminded again by my commander that I have a sanction. The next day I was told to go wait for my court trial (which is on the base) and after 5 minutes they said to join my tzevet for now and I would be called back later. Amazingly I never got called back, and nobody even mentioned anything to me about it. Lets just say I am very surprised to be home for the weekend.
So to summarize in short - I'm screwed. I can't try out for paratroopers, and can't be in Nahal. So it looks like I'm going to be making myself comfortable inside a Merkeva 4 TANK!Only 2 and a half more weeks left of this course before I have my second chance at the first day in the army.
Sunday through Tuesday was full of frustration like you wouldn't believe - not knowing what to do and trying my hardest to figure something out before the end of the week so I could somehow try out for paratroopers. Explaining my situation to countless people plenty of times and everyone responding the same to the question 'so basically I'm screwed, right?' without a word and a blank stare. If your going to have a shitty start to the week like me, it would only be fitting that it would also be raining cats and dogs - which is exactly what happened. This week is going to be much better (its virtually impossible for it not to be better), but it's going to be short and awesome (short = awesome) because I get the day off tomorrow to go to the bank, and we are going on a 2 day trip to Jerusalem, so the week ends Thursday late afternoon!
Tuesday was by far the most awesome day in the army so far. The day started out by us travelling to a different base right on the Lebanese border to check out some of the cool they they have - tanks, APCs, and a massive D9 bulldozer. After that we got to go up to a guard post and see the border with Lebanon - which was a small dirt road off in the near distance. After the fastest tour ever we were back on the bus before we knew it and off to our next destination - Emek Ha'bacha (Valley of Tears). During the Yom Kippur War in 1973 a famous battle took place there where Israel was outnumbered over 10 to one. Without nightvision, Israel managed to hold off the Syrian troops for 3 days and nights. With the leadership and heroism of Avigdor Kahalani, Israel was able to succeed in the battle. I had heard his story of the battle before, but today we got to hear it in person! It was awesome to hear him speak, but a bit frustrating becuase I didn't understand all of what he was saying.
Avigdor Kahalani
We then headed to Mt. Bental which used to be a base, but now it is a lookout point into Syria. In the picture its easy to make out where Israel ends and Syria begins: In the forefront - all the organized greenery is Israel, beyond that where there are some scattered trees used to be a Syrian city which now is no man's land. Beyond that, all the desert looking area would be Syria. Our last destination was the career fair. This was infinately more exciting than any university or job fair that I have ever been to. There were tables set up for the kravi (combat) units where we got tocheck out some cool toys. The army also put on a live demo with tanks and explosions and gunfire. Before the demo, Ehud Barak - the minister of Defense gave a speech and after the demo there was a concert! The entire event was awesome and a ton of fun because I had never seen a live demo like that before. Despite the demo, the pest part of the day was hearing from Avigdor Kahalani. Soon enough I will be blowing stuff up on my own, but its not so often I get to hear from a real war hero.
One of the tanks that took part in the demoDefense Minister Ehud Barak meeting with the soldiers after the demo.
The next day our pluga put on a play in rememberance of Michael Levin. He was an American from Philadelphia who came to Israel to serve in the IDF at the age of 18. When he came his hebrew was not so good so he was sent to do the same course I am doing now. He then joined the paratroop unit #890. During the summer of 2006 while on leave in the US, Michael heard of the news of the war in Lebanon and immediately flew back to Israel and demanded that he join his tzevet in Lebanon even though he was told he would not go to the front lines. A few days later, Michael was killed at the age of 22 by a sniper in Lebanon.
Sorry for the vagueness, but the following is only meant for those who understand it. I had my first krav maga (Israeli self defense) lesson since my first and only lesson, and this one went MUCH better :-D
I have 3 more weeks left before I join my combat unit. My plan was to do nahal - general infantry, but now I have decided to do the gibbush (tryout) tzanchanim (paratroopers) - tryouts to become a paratrooper. The tryouts are next Sunday and consists mostly of running, running with sand bags, running with stretchers, and crawling. If I don't get accepted to paratroopers then I will still be going to nahal like originally planned. Wish me luck!
Finally - home sweet home. What do I mean by home? I don't really know because it seems that every weekend I end up somewhere else. The last time I was off base I had a 3.5 day weekend and I ended up in 4 different cities (or places - not everywhere I went you could consider it a city, or a town, or even a village). I have lots of friends and realtives all over the country so I try and make my rounds and visit as many people as possible whenever I get the chance. This gives me the chance to get acquainted with the bus and train system in the country. As a soldier I get free transportation as long as I am dressed in my uniform, so I take the buses and trains everywhere. So after 12 days on base (or in this instance bases) I get to go home - this time to the kibbutz. Lets just define home to be not equal to an army base. Yes, I realize the irony because I spend more time on the army base than anywhere else, but please let me have what is left of my sanity.
I finished my week of mind-numbing guard duty on a different base. For those of you who know me, I have had a number of mind-numbing jobs throughout my university career. I have watched luggage and washed glass, just to name a few. I'm sure that everyone can rest easy knowing that guard duty is just as applicable to mechanical engineering as is glass washing. Shout out to the fantastic University of Waterloo for giving me an education that provided me with such a wide array of totally applicable job opportunities to my degree. However, I'm sure that if the university found out that their education system was helping to defend Israel, someone might have something to say about it. The following is part of the transcript from one of the fantastic (aside: up until now I'm sure you can sense the sarcasm in this paragraph. Unfortunately, and its sad that I have to explicitly say this, but the rest of the paragraph is not sarcasm or fiction but 100% fact. No the 1 in the '100%' is not a typo, and I'm not trying to fool you all again, but the following is one hundred percent fact.) professors of Electrical and Computer Engineering at Waterloo - Dr. Mohammed Elmasry, who was (or still is, who knows) the spokesperson of the Candian Islamic Congress. In 2004 on a talk show in Canada he said the following in regards to the validity of suicide bombing that Palestinians use to inflict fear and terror amongst Israelis. ELMASRY: Anybody above 18 is a part of the Israeli army... COREN (host): So everyone in Israel and anyone and everyone in Israel, irrespective of gender, over the age of 18 is a valid target? ELMASRY: Yes, I would say. read more of the transcript here: http://www.montrealmuslimnews.net/transcript.htm
Well I'm not going to get into how retarded this guy is, but feel free to share your thoughts with the President of the University, David Johnston and Leo Rothenberg - the Dean of Engineering. And yes, Elmasry is still a professor at UW. I've already done most of the work for you by listing their contact information below, so just take 2 seconds to send them off a quick email.
Office of the President The University of Waterloo 200 University Avenue West Waterloo, ON Canada N2L 3G1
So despite my mind numbing work at obscene hours of the day (and night) I did actually learn something that is worth while sharing with the internet. First some basic facts. Yes, again FACTS. I think (and hope) most of my readers know this, but just for those who stumbled upon my blog and who might not be very educated on middle eastern politics:
#1. Israel is a DEMOCRACY.
#2. There is religious FREEDOM in Israel.
So to the answer... when your on an army base surrounded by Muslim villages doing guard duty from 2AM-6AM you learn that the first of five calls to prayer (adhan) of the day occurs at exactly 430AM. The adhan is a loud announcement over a loud speaker notifying everyone its time to pray. You can also hear the call to prayer in the old city of Jerusalem. Yes, there are Muslims that live in the old city. And yes, they are legally allowed to live there. So if you ever happen to be thinking negatively about Israel, ask yourself why you don't hear the adhan where you live. So practically, what did this mean to me? To lead into it, firstly I should point out that typically when you do mind numbing jobs its best not to look at your watch, so the time passes by quickly. However, I constantly look at my watch to see what time it is becuase at the 45 minute mark of every hour I get to sit down until the hour. This makes time pass by extremely slowly. So at the sounding of the adhan, I knew that I had 15 more minutes until I could sit down, and only an hour and a half left of my shift.
So what the hell do you do between the hours of 2-6AM when your not really allowed to do anything but stand and guard? I don't know anyone who may or may not have done any of the following things during such hours or others, but things not to do are:
write blog posts: In a completely unrelated note, I'm glad that everyone enjoyed my previous blog post, I got lots of positive responses. If you haven't read it, do so.
work out: pushups, situps, and lifting weights.
study hebrew words that one might not know.
I suppose theoretically that those things could help you stay awake and pass the time.
So up until now, everytime we have done something it has been with our tzevet. For example, the commander would give us 7 minutes to go make our beds and we would have to be back outside in a chet formation (3/4 rectangle) standing at attention. My tzevet is/was 14 people (more on the is/was part soon). Now we are doing everything with the machlakah - 62 people. Needless to say it takes quite a lot longer to make a symmetric chet with 62 people than it does with only 14. So now we are back to doing more pushups because of the morons. Most people don't like the fact that we are doing this becuase they have inherrited a hell of a lot of stupid people. I on the other hand think its fantastic. In the politest way possible, I am not in the ideal tzevet. 2 guys are in jail. One of them for threatening another person with a fork in the lunch room. A third guy is AWOL - haven't seen him in weeks. #4 is playing crazy. After bedtime, he spent an entire night slowly walking laps around the base petting a turtle. There were 2 commanders following him from a distance incase he tried to physically harm himself. He now works every day in the lunch room. This is just scratching the surface of what goes on in my tzevet. By having to do everything with the machlakah the ratio of normal people to crazies has improved a lot for me. Unfortunately, all the learning in the classroom is still done with the tzevet.
So yesterday I was very excited for a number of reasons. The most obvious one was that it was Thursday, which means that the next day is Friday and I get to go home. Secondly, I didn't have to do my 12-6PM guarding shift, so that was a plus. During lunch I got 4 servings of meat, so that was fantastic. I also got a full night sleep for the first time in a week - and by full night I mean I got 7.5 consecutive hours of sleep, however that still involved waking up at 4AM. From the half day of being back on base, I was able to catch up on all the drama that goes on. As I suspected, it was a good thing that I was able to get away from the base for a few days. People were tweaking out because they were on base for so long and going crazy. Also in the week that I was gone, 2 people were sent to jail and by the end of the 2 weeks about 40% of the machlakah had received some form of sanction (extra hours they had to stay on base, or the entire weekend).
I have one more month left of this ulpan course before I go back to basic training with my kravi (combat) unit. Two months have passed, and I'm about ready to get out of here. There is only so much I can take of some of these people and all the stupid things that go on here. Luckily before I feel like I'm about to go crazy, something good happens - either a weekend, a day off, sending me to another base for 5 days, etc. Even something as simple as melon slices at lunch is a fantastic thing. So even though this place sucks, without it I would not have the motivation to learn hebrew and work out. The 3 months I was in Israel prior to joining the army I barely learned a new word in Hebrew, and did not get into any better shape. So to keep me from going crazy from the boredom and the people, I learn hebrew and work out.
So long until next week. Thanks for reading and mentioning how you liked the last post. I will attempt to continue to end up in interesting situations purely for my readers' amusement. So to my loyal readers, keep reading and feel free to link your friends to the blog.
so there are 3 different parTs of my day: guarding for 10 hours, on call for 10 hours and 'free time' for 4 hours. if you are guarding and thre is an emergency (akpatzah) wHere the sirens sound you just throw on your helmet and sit tight. if you are on call you have 3 minutes to be fully dressed, vest done up helmet on your head and at the war room. this means that you can't get undressed fully even though the war room is only 20 seconds from my bed. durIng 'free time' you don't have to wear your uniform and you are allowed to shower - because of that they give you 420 seconds to be fully dreSsed at the war room if there is an emergency. i say 420 seconds because it gives the false reality that it is longer than 7 minutes.
so we had a real emergency - thats right, not a drill but a real akpatza. it happened juSt after 10pm during my on call period and i managed To be at the war roOm dressed in 15 seconds. if that isn't impressive enough read on about my acts of heroism. by the way, feel free to write to the army recommending me for an awaRd or a pay raise (pay raise is preferred). so how did i get there so quickly? trick question - i was already there. what took 15 seconds was to take the helmet out of mY vest and put it on. every day at 10pm i have what is called aliyat mishmar which is a procedural thing where they chcek all your equipment and go over the rules.
so what caused the akpatza? as i was waIting for the aliyat mishmar i heard what sounded like heavy rain or ahail. the noise was that of druze kids (aside: druze is a Sect of islam - druzim are loyal to the country they live in and therefore serve in the idf - unlike other muslim israeli citizens who don't have to serve in the idF) throwing handfuls of stones which were hitting the roof and sides of the barracks. all of a sudden i see all the kids rUnning towrads the noise and then everyone running away from it. in addition to that there were kids fighting. once the siren sounded we traded in our guns for riot gear: batons, pLexiglass shields and tear gas. abouta dozen of us got in a line and created a Long barrier with our shields and we started inching our way towards the few kids throwing the stonse. as the rocks were raining down on Our shilds one of the soldiers threw a canister of tear gas into the crowd. at that point, most of the kids dispersed but there were still a few throwing stones. at that point most of the kids dispersed but there were stilla few throwing stones. as the commotion was dying down i saw out of the corner of my eye one kid sprinting by me about 20 feet away. the next thing i notice is a second kid running through the smoke From the tear gas with a dull knife (one that we eat in the lunch room with). he was in persuit of the first kid and was following the same path. i started to run towards the kid But he didn't see me coming because i was outside his peripheral vision. i then laid a hUge bod check on this scrawny 140 pound kid leading in with my big riot shield. i timed it perfectLy because when i hit him we were perpendicuLar to each other. this kid flew about 10 feet and needless to Say he didn't get back up so quickly. sHortly after that the situation was under control and everthIng was back to normal with only a few minor injuries.
so whats up with the random upper case letters all over the place? if you haven't already figured it out, piece the letters togeTher: 'THIS STORY IS FULL OF BULLSHIT'. Feel free however to stop reading now and forget the previous sentance. Have I mentioned yet that guarding for 10 hours a day is boring as hell and there is nothing else to do? My creativity is drawn mostly from sheer boredom but some of the story is factual.
The story in short: Druzim were throwing stones and fighting and there was an akpatza. There was NO riot gear, batons or tear gas. What was my role in all of this? - 'sit over there'. What a downer, eh? Wasn't the first story way better?
So this week is going to be awesome, except for the downside. They sent a few of us off to a different base this week. First the plus side: As I mentioned we are in a heat wave and its hot as hell. The room I am sleeping in has AC which is key. Also I am treated like a human being. The base I am on is a Gadna base - where 16 and 17 year olds come for a week to see what the army is like. I have to do my work (which I will get to later) but other than that I can do whatever I want. The food is a lot better ere and we get served our food at the table so I feel more important. Since I walk around with my gun the kids mistake me for a mefaked which is pretty funny. And the best part - one word: internet. I was given about 10 minutes to pack my stuff for what I was told was a day of guard duty on another base. After I packed my stuff I was told I would be guarding for 5 days. I only have clean clothes for maximum 2 more days. Now the downside: What is my purpose on this base? Guard duty :-(. First the plus side - I only have 2 shifts a day and my first one I am allowed to sit the entire time and there is someone there to keep me company (or I am there to keep him company). And now the downside - the schedule: 12PM-6PM shift + 2AM-6AM shift = 10 hours of guarding per day
So you are probably thinking I can get about 7 hours of consecutive sleep between 6PM and 2AM if I try hard. However, dinner is at 615 and then I have to guard for someone else while he eats. I also need time to shower and do other things.I also need to be outside at 10PM for about 3 minutes fully dressed so they can check my gun and equipment - so that would interrupt any sleeping time I could get.
Hopefully the plusses outwiegh the minuses. And so much for only having one day of guard duty :-(
This week we were stuck on base again for shabbat - 12 days on base. Now that we are halfway done the 3 month course we are in the thick of things and in the classroom a lot learning hebrew. The classes are really boring because we go really slowly and I understand just about everything being taught. I am so bored that I have resorted to reading the Hebrew-English dictionary in class (I finished 50 pages and am now on the letter 'C'). I writedown new words and study them later. Because of my boredom they have finally started giving me private hewbrew lessons. I learn more in the 30 minute class than I do the rest of the day.
We had our second hike (masa) which was approximately 7km. The hike was a lot of fun - we did it in the evening so it was dark and the terrain was very hilly. The hike didn't start out so well - just as we started, the samelet shouted azar - which translates to grenade (dont worry - its not real) so we all had to jump on our stomachs and cover our heads. The next thing i feel is the weight of the largest guy in our machlakah jump on top of me. Later into the hike we had to jump on our stomachs in shooting position. We were in a thorny area and it felt like I had jumped into a thornbush crotch first. As everyone was swearing in pain our female commanders were telling us to be quiet and stop acting like girls. They obviously didn't understand the pain. They made us get up and do it again. I took a few steps backthis time but the end result was still the same - a lot of pain in the crotch region and everywhere else. The highlight of the masa was towards the end. The entire time we are walking our eyes are always on the ground in front of you so you can see what you are stepping on so you don't twist your ankles (which almost happened about 50 times). All of a sudden the ground got softer and it felt like we were walking through crap. It also smelled like crap. The nextthing we heard was 'moooooo'. Everyone looked up and some people were shouting while others were yelling 'shhhhhh!!!'. We werer walking right through a cow farm with cows only 20 feet away from us on both sides. We tried our best to walk quitely as not to disturb them during their sleep and mating. Yes, you read that correctly - we walking in on 2 cows having sex. We had guard duty again, bt this time luckily only for one day. I had 2 shifts: from 6-8PM during dinner and free time and then again from 2-4AM. We also had another emergency drill, where this time I slightly twisted my ankle. So during shabbat - instead of having fun playing soccer or football I was stick in my sauna-esque room (its a heat wave now) trying to keep my weight off my foot.
So this week was pretty sweet because it was only 3 days. I've been enjoying the last 2 weeks because I have spent more time off base than I have on base. However, obviously good things must come to an end as next weekend I am on base again doing guard duty - which means 12 days on base doing guard duty and not sleeping much. I originally thought that we would be let off base on Wednesday at 6AM - similar to when we get off for shabbat on Friday. However they didn't let us off until 1PM, so I had to alter my weekend plans. I had to eliminate the only thing on my to do list: go to the bank. It isn't urgent, but its something I should get around to doing. Looks like it will have to wait another month or so. Seeing friends is more enjoyable than arguing with people at the bank. Despite the long weekend, it was still jam packed. The best part of the weekend is the exact instant that the weekend starts. We stand in formation and the mem-mem (mefakedet machlakah - commander of the machlakah) is reading out the list of people who have punishments and have to stay later on base. When that is over she says to the rest of us 'shabbat shalom machlakah 2', and we respond 'shabat shalom ha-mem-mem' and that is the best part. Then the weekend goes downhill because its a 20 minute walk with my massive bag to the bus. Then I found out I just missed the bus and had to wait another 40 minutes. Three busses later I finally get off the bus at my kibbutz, and then its another 15 minute walk uphill to my room. So even though I got 'free' at 1PM, I didn't get back to my room until 430.
So back to my week... Did not start off well. Saturday night before bed I was getting my things together for the morning, and spent half an hour looking for my dog tag. I keep my keys that lock my bags attached to my dog tag so I don't lose it. I couldn't find it for the life of me. I thought that maybe I had left it in my pants that I put in the laundry. So after ripping apart my room, which still wasn't unpacked I gave up and went to bed figuring I would have to run to the laundry room in the morning and hoping they would have found it. When I woke up I thought, 'gee, maybe the dogtag is attached to the lock on my bag'. So obviously it was in the last place I left it, and the first place I should have looked. My day didn't get much better. I didn't have a baret for almost 2 weeks becuase I lost 2 of them already. I thought for sure I would be stopped by the fashion police (yes, there is such a thing). They give out fines and court dates for things like not shining your boots, not shaving properly, and having your hair too long. Needless to say they are hated. there are stories of the police having the nerve to stop combat soldiers who just came back from war for things like not shaving. They hang out at bus stations when there are lots of soldiers there. So just my luck, someone stops me because I don't have a baret. So I pretend to not speak hebrew at all, and get off with just a warning. Then someone else gave me an extra baret they had.
We had our second of 3 baror tests (fitness) - one at the beginning, middle and end of the course. A perfect (and benchmark) score is 86 consecutive stiups, 75 consecutive pushups and 2km run in 8 minutes. I improved a lot in only one month - I figure by the time we do the last test I will pass it. This time i did 81 situps (60% improvement since the first test), 51 pushups (25% improvement) and the run in 8:26 - 40 seconds faster. During our free hour and a half we get at the end of the day, there isn't really much to do at all, so I'm trying to go for runs regularly and work out.
hebrew classes are boring as hell. we spend about 7 or 8 hours a day in the class. People act like they are 6 years old, and I have no patience for it. After going to university, it definately feels like im back in grade 3. It's also easy as hell. They give us an hour at the end of the day to do work alone in the classroom - i finish on average 4 worksheet, while people are still working on one.
I was excited for lunch because there was shnitzel. Shnitzel day is a good day - its never a specific day during the week, but whenever it's served the day is a good one. So as I was sitting down I saw my friend's plate piled high with 4 or 5 pieces of shnitzel (you are only supposed to get one serving of meat). I said 'How did you get so much shnitzel'. He responded 'it's not shnitzel - its fish'. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! So much for the good day...
I finally screwed up. During our free hour and a half before bedtime I was bored and had nothing to do so I was lying down in my bed and fell asleep. I somehow woke up on my own exactly 2 minutes after I had to be outside in formation for the samelet to tell us to go to bed. I look at my watch and then ran outside. For my punishement she gave me 7 minutes to get dressed into my uniform and then made me run around and do pushups for about 10 minutes. It wasn't that bad except for the fact that once I was finished with my punishment and in bed I was still sweating for the next 15 minutes and couldn't fall asleep.
So now to the weekend. 2 friends are visiting in Israel, so I had to see them this weekend because I won't be free next weekend. Luckily they were both in Herzliya. Once I got back to my kibbutz I packed for the next 2 and a half weeks and rushed to meet Yuval in Herzliya. We went out for a beer and then then in the morning I met up with Kaplan for lunch and then met up with the AEPi guys in the IDC Herzliya colony and chilled with them for the day. Definitely missing the AEPi chills back home :-( In the evening Yuval and I went to Jerusalem to hang out with Matthews, for some AEPi waterloo chills. Friday I am off to visit relatives for shabbat and simchat torah. Sunday morning back to base for 2 straight weeks.
This week was super short because of Yom Kippur - so I didn't have to be back to the army until Tuesday morning. I had an easy fast for Yom Kippur. It's a lot easier to fast when you sleep for 15 hours of the day. The rest of the day was spent in shul. From the very limited time I spent in between sleeping and being in shul it was very interesting to see there wasn't a single car on the road - not just where I was in Kfar Saba, but in the entire country. Every kid that had a bicycle, roller blades, scooter, etc. was out in the middle of the road without anything to worry about.
Now that we are getting into the regular routine of the ulpan, we are starting to actually get some stuff done. In addition to learning boring grammar and verb structure we have classes on Israel and the IDF. One person we are learning about in detailis Ro'i Klein. In a few weeks we will be putting on a play/presentation about him. As a reserve soldier in Golani, during the 2nd Lebanon War of 2006, Ro'i instinctively jumped on a grenade, thus saving the lives of his fellow soldiers.
So your probably all thinking that now that I have been in the army for a month and a half, and Israel for four and a half months that I probably have a fantastic permanent place to live when I get off base. Well, as of Thursday I have a permanent place to live! I hope its fantastic - time will tell. I now live up north just outside of Afula on a kibbutz called Ein Harod. As a lone soldier, the army is supposed to help me find a place to live, which they finally got around to doing. They told me on Wednesday night that they found me a place and that I would go check it out the next day. I was thrilled that they finally found me a place, and even more thrilled that I got to leave base on thursday morning before we had to start cleaning the dorms! I woke up got dressed, ate and then left the base. For breakfast there was fruit yogurt which we had never gotten before. Yes, this is very random to be talking about, but you will see how this comes into play in a bit. FYI, the fruit yogurt was delicious and I made a mental note of it.
I don't know much about the kibbutz. Without much say in the matter of where I was going to live, I didn't really know if this was a good place or not. After speaking with the person on the kibbutz who takes care of settling in the soldiers onto the kibbutz, it seems like its a good kibbutz and will be a lot of fun. There are 10 soldiers that live in what used to be a hotel. We all get our own room, and there is a common room with TV, computer and kitchen. As we (5 soldiers) were in a car with the coordinator on the way to the kibbutz (yes - car. 6 people in a CAR. Oh, we all had huge backpacks. And the kicker is that there was barely any trunk space) the second thought I had as we pulled off the main road towards the kibbutz was 'phew, its a good thing my kibbutz is the next one cuz this kibbutz smells like cow shit.' My first thought was I still can't move or breathe - get me the hell out of the car. I looked closer at the smelly kibbutz and recognized the logo as being one that I had recently seen. I then put 2 and 2 together and came to the conclusion that the kibbutz is in the business of turning smelly cows into delicious tasting yogurt (and most likely other dairy products). Hopefully my kibbutz gets deals on the imported food whithout having to import the smell as well. If not, I will have to make friends with people on the other kibbutz to hook me up with food.
I left the kibbutz around 11AM and went back to Rehovot to prepare for the big move the next day. I had to go to the bank which always seems to cause me a lot of problems. I won't get into that, but for some reason banks don't like when foreign citizens open up accounts. The only reason I am able to open one is because I'm in the army. The guy at the bank was trying to convince me that I didn't have an account there and that maybe I had opened one up at a different branch. Surprisingly to him, after about 5 minutes of arguing he realized I was right.
Friday was the big move. I moved everything I own (except for one bag that I already had at the kibbutz). With a backpack on my back, one on my chest, a bag in each hand and a giant suitcase I took a train and a bus halfway across the country. I met some of my housemates - not everyone was here for the weekend. They don't speak english, which is good so it forces me to work on my hebrew. After dinner, the kibbutz put on a nice show for Sukkot where kids were singing and dancing. Later at night we went to the local pub on the kibbutz.
This upcoming week is going to be pretty awesome because I heard that we get off on Wednesday. I can't wait!
Tuesday started our ulpan. Now that we are done with basic training we start our hebrew classes for the next 2 months. But before we could start the classes I was voluntold to do something called toronute rasar, which I think loosely translates to bitchwork. Of the 6 hours of toronute rasar I did about 1 hour of sweeping the streets. The best part of the entire day (not just the 6 hours) was that while I was sweeping I found a pinecone and started playing hockey using the broom as a hockey stick. I'm not sure which is worse - the fact that my day was so crappy that the best part was playing hockey by myself with a broomstick and a pinecone or the fact that in all seriousness I actually had a lot of fun!
I survived 12 days on base without going completely nuts. Maybe the previous paragraph might change people's minds. We now get a long weekend and don't have to be back on base until Tuesday because of Yom Kippur, which makes next week very short!
Monday was our last day of tironout - basic training. To start the day they semi-unexpectedly woke us up at 4AM and gave us 7 minutes to get dressed and downstairs. We then went on the masa - hike - to end basic training. It was only 6km, and it wasn't difficult except
for the fact that I did almost half the hike with a broken shoelace.
Me with my tag after the masa: now I am part of the education corps, and have slightly moved up from a nobody.
After the morning, they drove us to Akko - where we were to have our searing in ceremony. Our ceremony was at the Akko prison which was used by the British prior to
the establishment of the State of Israel to hold members of the Irgun, Lehi and Etzel - groups that supported the establisment of a Jewish State, protected the Jews
from the Arabs, and opposed the presence of the British in the land. Later in the afternoon we had the ceremony where we officially became soliders in the IDF. In a ceremonial fashion we were given our guns and swore on a bible to protect the State of Israel.
Thursday at 6AM I started my shift on kaf-kaf. Kaf-kaf is a 24 hour shift where 6 of us are on call for basically anything and everything. We are the first response for terrorists, fire, ambulance and everything in between. In addition to doing everything like a normal day with the tzevet, the 6 of us have to stay together the entire time and fully dressed including the appx. 25 pound vest the entire shift. We also took turns wearing the stretcher. We got to sleep at 930, but got woken up at 11PM by one of the guys yelling kaf kaf. I jumped from the bed and started the almost 3 minute sprint across the base to the war room. I did not mentally wake up until I got there and the samelet started talking to us and telling us to open the stretcher.Until then it was a full on adrenaline rush. As part of the test we had to put one of the guys on the stretcher and run him about 200 meters to where the ambulance is. After that ordeal I was not able to go back to bed and stayed up all night waiting for the next test call which never came.
5 of us on kaf-kaf: david, me, anton, edgar and anatoli
Friday everyone went home for Rosh Hashana except for us. In the afternoon (during my nap) we had another drill. For everyone not on kaf-kaf you get 7 minutes to get over to the war room. So I had to jump out of bed, get dressed and wake up then sprint across the base (in that order). Once again I was pissed off this occurred yet again during my sleep (this becomes a reoccurring theme).
After the drill I had my first shift of guard duty. The shifts are 2 hours long - and you get shifts at ALL obscene hours of the day. Some blaces have 2 people guarding, while others only have one. In theory guarding is pretty easy - the things you are allowed to do are: 1. Guard 2. Stand 3. Drink water or hot tea 4. Sit for 10 minutes in the middle of your shift. 5. If something happens, call it in on the radio.
Things you aren't allowed to do is EVERYTHING else including but not limited to eating, listening to music, reading, praying, writing, using your phone, going to the bathroom, sleeping, etc.
My first shift was 4-6PM at the front gate of the base. There was a guy that works there and does all the work, so I just had to stand there. During the shift 3 cars almost pulled up to the gate, but turn around - I think I scared them away :-) Shift highlight: There was a shift switch of the guy that works at the gate for my last 10 minutes, and the new guy put on music (he can do whatever he wants).
For the holiday we had a nice sit down dinner minus food trays, timed meals, and self service. The tables were set, and the food was much much better than what we normally get. It was a full meal with salads, soup, chicken, brisket, potatoes, and desert. All the meals were like that.
The next shift was from 2-4AM. Luckily I had someone with me to talk to so it helped to pass the time. Shift highlight: someone at a differetn guard post saw a dog and felt it was necessary to tell everyone a number of times over the radio. Shift 12-2PM on saturday: I had to run from shul to get there. The worst part was that I ran past the lunch room while everyone was lined up to go eat. This was the most boring 2 hours of my life - exhausted and hungry with nobody to talk to. Shift highlight: a bee chased me around for 5 minutes.
After about an hour nap I got woken up for a relatively unnecessary head count. To make sure everyone was still around and hadn't gone missing from the base. One would say that this is pretty stupid - who is going to walk off the base, but what do you know some moron walked off the base on Sunday to buy a pack of smokes. Just after the head count it started to rain! It was awesome to finally see some rain. I hadn't seen rain since the beginning of May in Toronto. It hung out in the rain for a bit as it was nice and refreshing - especially because Israel needs all the rain it can get. My next guard shift was from 12-2AM and boy did it pour. A transformer blew just as I started my shift so there wree no lights - luckily my guard partner hada flashlight. We also managed to find shelter and stay dry for the most part. Usually for Rosh Hashana what I do is go to shul, eat and sleep. However this time the sleep was swapped with guarding.
Monday I thought that I almost got lit on fire. We were sitting in a class and the jerk behind me pokes me in the back a few times. I then turn around really pissed off and his response was 'fire, fire'. I smelled something burning slightly and lept from my chair and tried to brush off my back, but there was nothing there.The guy had just put a small piece of paper in the metal backing of my chair and lit that on fire. I looked like a spaz because I freaked out in the middle of a class of 60 people.
On basewe dont' get to use the internet and the only outside news that we get is what they tell us - which they dont usually unless something big happens. On Sunday, Asaf Ramon - the son of Ilan Ramon was killed in a training accident. Ilan Ramon was the first Israeli astronaut, who was aboard the Columbia in 2003, which had a malfunction resulting in the death of all those abourd. Similarly to his father, Asaf was killed in a drill when his plane suddently took a nose dive - nobody else was hurt. He was 21 yeras old and graduated at the top of the class from the air force flight school - possibly the most difficult job in all of the IDF. May he rest in peace.
Tuesday I got to be a VIP and spend most of the day in an air conditioned room. Four of the top soldiers in the mahlaka of 64 were selected to be interviewd about who we are, where we came from, why we decided to join the army, etc. We got to speak with a general and a bunch of other well decorated people in the army. Talking to people that high up is pretty much completely out of the question, and I think looking at them might even be frowned upon. We also spoke with the head of the base and the head of all new immigrants to the army.
This week we wrapped up basic training part one. I get to do it all over again in 2 months though when I join my combat unit. The only difference is that it will be much more intense and longer. Soon we start the ulpan, but first we have a weekend of guard duty.
Born and raised in Toronto, Canada. Graduated from the University of Waterloo with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. At the age of 24 I voluntarily served my country and my people as a lone soldier in the 188th brigade of the armored forces in IDF (Israel Defense Forces). On July 12, 2012 I made Aliyah and thus officially became an Israeli Citizen.
This blog is about my experiences as a combat soldier in the IDF and my experience as an Oleh Chadash (new immigrant)
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