My foolproof plan to take over the world

With all the 'free' time I have while doing guard duty in the middle of the night in the field I have a lot of time to think. To review, when you guard you are allowed to do 2 things - stand and guard. I don't think your even allowed to think, but there is no definative way for them to check on that. So the title of this blog post kinda gives it away, but here is how I'm going to take over the world...



I'm starting my recruitment now, so if you would like to join me send me an email or a facebook message or something. What are the requirements? You have to be left handed - thats it. Sorry to the majority of the human race, but soon enough you will be under my control and there is nothing you can do about it. I know what your all thinking now and the answer is yes! There will be jobs for polar bears (they are all left handed). I don't know what yet, but give me a few more weeks of doing guard duty and I will think of something wicked awesome that polar bears can do.



Aside from the language the most difficult part of the army is using any piece of equipment because the army was designed for right handed people. When I got my M16 I asked for a left handed gun and they gave me one. What's the IDF's definition of a left handed gun? It's a right handed gun with an extra piece of metal sticking out of the side behind where the shell casings get rejected to make sure they dont hit me in the face. For righties their face is on the other side of the gun so they don't have this problem. I said to them 'what about everything else that is backwards this is just a right handed gun!' Their response was the IDF has no money and only in the USA do they have left handed guns. That excuse is the trump card and works in every situation, so I didn't have anything left to say because they were right. Not only are all the weapons backwards but also all the desks and most importantly can openers. In every battle ration we get a can opener and I can't use it because its made for righties. I have ot rely on other people to open the food so I can eat.



So what makes me think that a left handed army can take over the world? Lets take racket sports for example. Righties have a lot of trouble playing against lefties because lefties are uncommon and therefore righties don't have much time to practice against them. Righties are often baffled by the 'backwardsness' of how lefties play. On the other hand lefties understand how righties play and can also play against fellow lefties - thus advantage to the lefties. If I could redesign all the weapons and can openers for lefties and introduce some left handed strategies nobody would be prepared for us!