End of Mikve Alon and Bakum

Our course ended on Tuesday and from Sunday-Tuesday we practiced for the ceremony. It was like being a part of a marching band - minus the band part - just marching. Left left left right left. It really sucks the life out of the fun of a ceremony when you have to practice marching and standing for probably a dozen hours. The entire time we had this big fat angry guy called the Rasar yelling at us when we would move an inch. The big finale of the ceremony was that we all marched into a formation of a menorah - every time we practiced it we would screw it up because someone new would join into the formation or someone would leave and it would screw everyone up.

As for the competition we won last week, the privilege we won was 20 minutes of crappy internet from the computer room on base - just about enough time to change my fbook status and message a few people. Tuesday morning we finally got to break distance with our commanders. For about the 4 hours between breaking distance and getting on the bus to go to bakum we had a lot of fun being able to joke around and talk normally to our commanders. The only crappy thing was that right after the ceremony we had a few minutes to say goodbye to our commanders and then we had to get on the bus to take us to bakum. The ceremony was surprisingly more fun that I expected it to be considering all the mind numbing marching we had practiced. As part of the ceremony the mefakedets took away our education corps tags, so now I'm back to square one looking like a nobody, which really really sucks.

So we get to bakum just in time for dinner. We then got our beds ready in our 10 person tents and got to go to bed. Bakum is the base where everyone goes on their first day to enlist and get all your equipment and most importantly find out exactly what unit you go to (you don't actually find out 100% until you get to bakum). Working at bakum is the army equivalent of working at the lost luggage department at the airport. They have no idea what is going on, everyone hates them, and they can never help you or do anything correctly. So here is a rundown of my very frustrating yet hilarious day at bakum.

The goal: have someone tell me that I am going to shiryon (armored corps [tanks]) and that I can go home and come back on Sunday when everyone else from shiryon is enlisting. Timeframe: leave the base at a reasonable hour while it is still light outside (before 5PM).

The story...
445AM wakeup. Get the tents in order, pick up garbage and clean the territory and eat breakfast. After that we grabbed our bags, they gave us numbers and we waited for them to call each group of numbers to go through the enlistment process.
930AM they start calling numbers. They grouped me with all the mahal nahal people (the volunteers that are going to the nahal infantry unit) which was what I was supposed to do if my medical profile would allow it. Our number is the last to be called. We keep waiting while everyone else has already left to other places to get equipment and do all sorts of other things. They bring us buckets soap and squeegees. Bathrooms. At this point it was clear they didn't know what the hell to do with us, and this was not what we had volunteered for. After finishing the bathrooms we came back and started throwing around a football for a good half an hour. The following pretty much sums up an hour of the day: someone asked the commander 'what do you mean you don't know what to do with us - have you never seen a volunteer before?' to which he answered 'nope'.
11AM they finally call everyone except for 4 people, including me. They told me I was going to see a doctor. Okay, maybe I can try and get my profile raised again. On the way to the doctor we stopped off by the katzin miyun where I got my name called. The katzin miyun is an enlistment officer; you get to speak to him and tell him where you want to serve in the army. They try and take that into consideration when placing you. Due to the nature of the mahal program we don't get to see a katzin miyun because by default we all go to nahal. Some guy came out with an envelope and started to explain to me what unit I am enlisting to and that I had to be back here at this date and this time. In the middle of his explanation I looked at the piece of paper and noticed that the unit was not shiryon but carakal. So in the middle of his first sentence I interrupted him and told him that I'm going to shiryon and that he has to go back and change it because I'm not speaking to him at all if he's holding a piece of paper that says my name and carakal on it. He immediately walks away and then I am taken to see a doctor and I don't encounter that fool again.

1230 I get to see a doctor. I tell him I want to raise my profile. He looks at the computer and says 'I see you've already gone through this conversation with a different doctor'. In short, I'm still shit out of luck. Now on to lunch - for such a horrible base, they seem to have the most amazing food. There were 4 different servings of meat. We were lucky to see 5 different servings of meat in a week at Mikve Alon!! My 5 meals at Bakum turned out to be the highlight of my stay there - yes - doing the math correctly I did not reach my goal and I had to stay at bakum for another night.

The rest of the day and evening was spent trying to speak to a katzin miyun. I explained my situation to them and they told me that the nahal people would call me to get on the bus. At that point I would tell them that I refuse to get on the bus and to demand to speak to the katzin miyun. Then I could come back to the office and ask to speak to one. I politely said lets cut the bullshit and save some time here and let me see the katzin! Short answer is that I have to follow procedures. So I called my friends who were already waiting with nahal. I found out where they were and went to speak to their officers to talk to them. They said they didn't have my name on a list so they weren't going to be calling me.

Back at the katzin minyun - I'm standing around in the waiting area with everyone else, and someone comes up to me and tells me to sit down. Normally I wouldn't care, and in fact I was thinking of sitting down, but I was bored and in the arguing mood. Some of my points included "no", "are you kidding me?", "1, 2, 3, ... (counting all the people still standing)", "what is this place, backwards? Never in 3 months have I been told to sit - always to stand!". And the following one works best (draws the most attention to you) if you say it loudly and start waving your arms frantically. "I will sit down when I get to speak to a katzin miyun. Why have I been in the army 3 months and still not seen a katzin miyun, etc. etc." His counterpoints are irrelevant to the story. I pretty much just went on a rant after he dared tell me to sit down.

Later in the afternoon... Now I'm really starting to get pissed off. Back to the katzin miyun office I argue with them some more through the window, and they tell me I will see one soon. I then demand to see the katzin and ask why I have been in the army for 3 months and I still haven't spoken to the katzin miyun! At this point they tell me again that I'm going to carakal. I told them not so politely for the last time I'm not going to carakal. I came from half way around the world to volunteer to be in infantry. I got screwed because of my profile, so if I can't be a fighter in nahal I want to be a fighter in shiryon. At this point everyone in the office stops what their doing and looks at me like I'm a moron. This was an odd request for them because not many people request to be put into tanks.

6pm. After plenty of arguing I finally got to see the katzin miyun. I tell him why I want to go to shiryon and he says I will have an answer in the morning. All I need to do is go to the office and ask someone to check it up on the computer. That's the point where I find out I'm suck in this horrible place for another night.

445AM wakeup. 515AM head to the kitchen to do kitchen duty. I inform my supervisor that I need to go to the katzin miyun office at 8 to check on my situation. 745 and 750 reminders. 8AM I ask permission to go and he says just 10 more minutes and we will be done. Small argument ensues, but I stay another 10 minutes. 810 - "I need ot go to the office now, you said..." No- we are almost done. 825 I start freaking out and causing a scene. I leave to go to the office get the good news that I'm going to shiryon and return to the kitchen in under 5 minutes. Was it really worth the trouble for my supervisor? 11AM - weekend!!!

Now that I know which unit I am going to I have to go back on Sunday when everyone else shows up to enlist.